Brand New Courtroom Follies: Throw Me a Bone Here, Nathan

Brand New Courtroom Follies: Throw Me a Bone Here, Nathan

A whole lot of crazy takes place in courtrooms. As a lawyer I can tell you that no matter how good something may sound the night before, the best laid plans can go horribly awry in open court, and outrageous (and unintended) exchanges occur as a result.  Then, of course, there are those occasions when people act as their own counsel, an often regrettable decision. More crazy.  Whatever the case, below you will read real-life courtroom exchanges, repeated word for word, as recorded by court reporters who labored to remain straight-faced whilst typing some of the most ridiculous conversations ever committed to paper. Please enjoy: More often that not,truth is most definitely stranger (or at least funnier) than fiction.

Throw Me a Bone Here, Nathan

Lawyer: “What is your brother-in-law’s name?”

Witness: “Borofkin.”

Lawyer: “What’s his first name?”

Witness: “I can’t remember.”

Lawyer: “He’s been your brother-in-law for years, and you can’t remember his first name?”

Witness: “No. I tell you, I’m too excited.” (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) “Nathan, for heaven’s sake, tell them your first name!”

Can We Start Over?

Lawyer: “You were there until the time you left, is that true?”

Lawyer: “So you were gone until you returned?”

Math Wasn’t My Top Grade

Lawyer: “The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?”

Tough Choice

Lawyer: “Were you alone or by yourself?”

Long Enough to Punch You in The Mouth

Lawyer: “How long have you been a French Canadian?”

We Weren’t At the Fair

Witness: “He was about medium height and had a beard.”

Lawyer: “Was this a male or a female?”

Shhhh…. I Told You Not to Ask Me THAT

Lawyer: “Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you?”

Witness: “I went to Europe, sir.”

Lawyer: “And you took your new wife?”

Okay, Now I’m Beginning to Doubt Myself

Lawyer: “I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.”

Witness: “That’s me.”

Lawyer: “Were you present when that picture was taken?”

Lawyer: “Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?”

Not With You

Lawyer: “Do you know how far pregnant you are now?”

Witness: “I’ll be three months on November 8.”

Lawyer: “Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?”

Witness: “Yes.”

Lawyer: “What were you doing at that time?”

Miami? Ridiculous

Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?”

Witness: “I refuse to answer that question.

Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?”

Witness: “I refuse to answer that question.

Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?”

Witness: “No.”

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