MORE COURTROOM FOLLIES: Waking up the Dead

MORE COURTROOM FOLLIES: Waking up the Dead

A whole lot of crazy takes place in courtrooms. As a lawyer I can tell you that no matter how good something may sound the night before, the best laid plans can go horribly awry in open court, and outrageous (and unintended) exchanges occur as a result.  Then, of course, there are those occasions when people act as their own counsel, an often regrettable decision. More crazy ensues.  Whatever the case, below you will read real-life courtroom exchanges, repeated word for word, as recorded by court reporters who labored to remain straight-faced whilst typing some of the most ridiculous conversations ever committed to paper. Please enjoy: Truth is most definitely stranger (or at least funnier) than fiction.

 

“WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?”

 

 

Lawyer: “And what did he do then?”

Witness: “He came home, and next morning he was dead.”

Lawyer: “So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?”

***

Lawyer: “Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?”

Witness: “He didn’t offer me nothing. He just said I could have the furniture.”

***

Lawyer: “So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?”

Witness: “I didn’t see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital.”

Lawyer: “It was covered?”

Witness: “Yes, bandaged.”

Lawyer: “Then, later on…what did you see?”

Witness: “I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head.”

***

Lawyer: “Could you see him from where you were standing?”

Witness: “I could see his head.”

Lawyer: “And where was his head?”

Witness: “Just above his shoulders.”

***

Lawyer: “Do you drink when you’re on duty?”

Witness: “I don’t drink when I’m on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.”

****

Lawyer: “Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?”

Witness: “The victim lived.”

 

Stay tuned, more FOLLIES on the way soon . . ..

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